Anna Karenina — Chapter 119 in French
By Leo Tolstoy
Quand Alexis Alexandrovitch s’était décidé à se rendre près de sa femme, il n’avait pas envisagé le cas où la sincérité de son repentir lui ayant valu son pardon, elle survivrait à sa maladie, et cette erreur, qui deux mois après son retour de Moscou lui apparaissait dans toute sa force, provenait, non seulement de ce qu’il n’avait pas prévu cette circonstance, mais de ce qu’il ignorait son propre cœur avant son entrevue avec sa femme mourante. Alekseï Aleksandrovitch, when he prepared to see his wife again, had not foreseen the contingency of her repentance being genuine, and then of her recovery after she had obtained his pardon. This mistake appeared to him in all its seriousness two months after his return from Moscow; but the mistake which he had made proceeded not only from the fact that he had not foreseen this eventuality, but also from the fact that not until the day when he looked on his dying wife had he understood his own heart. Près du lit de celle-ci malade, pour la première fois de sa vie il s’abandonnait à ce sentiment de compassion attendrie, que provoquait en lui la souffrance des autres et dont, auparavant, il avait honte comme d’une faiblesse dangereuse. Beside the bed of his dying wife, he had given way, for the first time in his life, to that feeling of sympathy for the griefs of others, against which he had always fought as one fights against a dangerous weakness. La pitié qu’il éprouvait pour elle, le remords qu’il ressentait d’avoir désiré sa mort, et, principalement, la joie d’avoir pardonné, avaient eu pour effet, non seulement de diminuer ses souffrances, mais aussi de faire naître en lui un calme moral tel qu’il n’en avait encore jamais éprouvé. His pity for her and remorse at having wished for her death, but above all the joy of forgiving, had made him suddenly feel, not only a complete alleviation of his sufferings, but also a spiritual calmness such as he had never before experienced. Subitement la source de ses souffrances s’était transformée en une source de joie morale. Tout ce qu’il regardait comme inextricable dans sa haine et sa colère, lui paraissait simple et clair, maintenant qu’il pardonnait et aimait. He suddenly felt that the very thing that had been a source of anguish was now the source of his spiritual joy; what had seemed insoluble when he was filled with hatred and anger, became clear and simple now that he loved and forgave.
Il avait pardonné à sa femme et il avait pitié d’elle en raison de ses souffrances et de son repentir. He had pardoned his wife, and he pitied her because of her suffering and repentance. Il avait pardonné à Vronskï et il le plaignait, surtout depuis qu’il avait appris son acte de désespoir. He had forgiven Vronsky, and pitied him too, especially after he heard of his desperate act. Il plaignait aussi maintenant son fils plus qu’auparavant et se reprochait de l’avoir négligé. He also pitied his son more than before, because he felt that he had neglected him. Mais pour l’enfant nouveau-né, il éprouvait un sentiment particulier, fait d’un mélange de pitié et aussi de tendresse. But what he felt for the new-born child was more than pity, it was almost tenderness. D’abord, sous l’impulsion de la pitié seule, il s’était occupé de cette petite créature faible, qui n’était pas sa fille et qui, abandonnée pendant la maladie de sa mère, serait probablement morte s’il n’eût pris soin d’elle. Et il ne remarquait pas lui-même combien il l’aimait. At first, solely from a feeling of pity, he looked after this little new-born girl, who was not his daughter, and who was so neglected during her mother's illness that she would have surely died if he had not taken her in charge; and, before he was aware of it, he became attached to her. Plusieurs fois par jour, il venait dans la chambre des enfants et y passait de longs moments, de sorte que la nourrice et la bonne, d’abord intimidées, s’habituèrent peu à peu à sa présence. He would go several times a day into the nursery, and sit there, so that the wet-nurse and the bonne, though they were a little intimidated at first, gradually became accustomed to his presence. Parfois, durant une demi-heure, il regardait en silence le petit visage rouge et plissé de l’enfant ; il observait les plis de son front et de ses sourcils et ses petits poings potelés, avec lesquels il se frottait les yeux et le nez. He stayed sometimes for half an hour, silently gazing at the saffron-red, wrinkled, downy face of the sleeping child, following her motions as she scowled, and puckered her lips, watching her rub her eyes with the back of her little hands, curling up her round fingers. À ces moments-là, Alexis Alexandrovitch se sentait particulièrement calme, d’accord avec ses principes et ne trouvait dans sa situation rien d’extraordinaire, rien à modifier. And at these moments especially, Alekseï Aleksandrovitch felt calm and at peace with himself, seeing nothing abnormal in his situation, nothing that he felt the need of changing.
Mais plus le temps passait, plus il voyait clairement que quelque naturelle que lui semblât cette situation on ne lui permettrait pas de la garder. However, as time went on, he felt more and more that he would not be permitted to remain in this situation, however natural it seemed to him, and that nobody would allow it.
Il sentait qu’en dehors de la force morale, lénifiante, qui guidait son âme, il y avait une force grossière, plus puissante peut-être, qui dirigeait sa vie et que celle-ci ne lui donnerait pas ce calme paisible auquel il aspirait. He felt that, besides the holy and spiritual force that guided his soul, there was another force, brutal, equally if not more powerful, which directed his life, and that this power would not give him the peace that he desired. Il lui semblait lire dans les regards un étonnement interrogatif ; à coup sûr, personne ne comprenait son attitude et l’on attendait de lui tout autre chose. He felt that every one was looking at him, and questioning his attitude, not understanding it, and expecting him to do something. Il ne pouvait non plus se dissimuler le manque de stabilité et de naturel de ses relations avec sa femme. Especially he felt the unnaturalness and constraint of his relations with his wife.